Biddy Quillin'

I just don't think people are taking the fine art of quilling seriously anymore.

Quilling has always stood for elegant hands, undeniable class, and leisure time. Barnyard buddies, indeed.

Smockin' It

I don't believe I have previously mentioned this most important aspect of biddy aesthetics: you must know how to smock it. Shit is just better and fancier when you do. Aprons with smockin' are more biddilicious. Undergarments with bust smockin' are super nice. The best biddy fashion has some element of smockin' 'cause you know it shows off all our curves just right.

Holiday Fashion

These biddys are certainly festive. Just look at the fine quality of their sweater sets. Have they hot glued felt reindeer and buttons on a sweatshirt? Hell no. Biddy fashion takes a bit more time (and an understanding of tapestry crochet, certainly), but in the end we can hold our heads high when we meet up with yet another machine quilted holiday vest.

Biddy Buttons

So often I just get on this blog and brag my little ass off. I know. I know. It's just that I have the best collection of fancy buttons and I want you all to be jealous. Crocheted buttons. That's the thing. I'm not sure how many biddys still practice the art of button crochet, but surely not enough.

Project Runway

Sorry, yobiddy hasn't posted for a bit cause she got obsessed with Project Runway.

That Tim Gunn. What a honey. When he says "make it work," I tell you what. That's what I do every single day. I think he might be my true love.

And damn. Some of them young drafters are pretty good. I can tell you that my skinny jeans pattern would kick all their little butts (and you know I can make a sexy ballgown), but they're on the right path -- I must give them some serious biddy props.

Of course, I finished several projects while watching Seasons 1, 2, and 3. I never watch the tube without a few project options within reach. And if my one year old tries to stop me, I just throw a serious fit and lock him out of the room. You know that t.v. is bad for kids.

Biddy Needles

Waste not want not girls. You don't need to go stock up on toilet paper and sewing needles. A good biddy will keep her best needles for many years. I have a Sharp from 1963. Make your book and keep your needles straight. Needles might be cheap and easy now, but who knows what a recession economy might bring? If you have more than one book of needles, shame on you.

Biddy Rags

Dish towels are the perfect gift. I don't know why anyone would think otherwise. I always have my ebay sniper software set to grab when a towel from Belarus comes up for sale. I have cornered the market on these little gems. Look at them all. Bet you wish you were on my Christmas list.

Biddy Poseur

This Ukrainian babushka is a biddy poseur. It's sad, I know, but you can't judge a biddy by scarf alone.

What? Why? Sure, she's adorable, but she can't make a damn thing.
She's really nice and doesn't swear or grouch about.
She does have nice droopy jugs, that's certainly a plus, but body type alone does not make a true biddy.
Sure, she wears floral dresses, but no contrasting apron.
Constantly drinks coffee from a nappy cup. Can make a mean loaf of fluffy white bread. But lacks competitive drive and the tell tale biddy scowl.
Her wrinkles are smile wrinkles. Total poseur.

Biddy Motivation

Some people are askin' me, "Biddy, what's your motivation?" I guess they want to know why I do the things I do. Why I keep my fingers movin' so fast? It's simple really.

I want to have more granny blankets than other people.

They're like candy. Look how pretty they are. Just look at them. And most of you all don't even have one. Or you spend your whole life just tryin' to finish one up. Not me. I got more than you do and it makes me damn happy.

Babushka Barbie

This new babushka barbie helps young girls get in touch with their inner biddy. Some folks say the doll is just too perfect. How will those little innocents be able to keep up the perfect body and style while smiling and getting their bangs just right?

I say damn time these girls aimed high. It ain't easy to be a biddy, but if you start very young it's easier fo' sure. If they'd asked yours truly, I might have suggested a few accessories -- arms, knitting needles, an apron, some little biddy feet.

Norwegian Biddys

A weekend of disappointing sales left Norwegian biddys wondering about the new recession economy. "Maybe we should have focused on low effort crafts this year like felting gnomes or rosemaling trivets," bitched one of the biddys. Another hardanger expert recalled how last year was pretty much the same result, "I think the younger generation just doesn't give a damn about their table presentation."

Biddy Pain

That's right. Biddy had a little chronic pain moment this mornin'. You know I got me some problems with the tmj fibro migraine thing. No biggie.

When I get down I have a little secret. You got to push into the pain with what I like to call my french knot circuit. After a few hundred of those little knots your whole neck gets numb and you got a nicer pillow case to boot. Grit your teeth real good on each and every knot. That helps.

Biddy Quiz

So many people are thinkin' they're a biddy just 'cause it's fashionable.
Take the quiz. Find out. Nothin' I can do about it.
Either you got it or you're not it.


Are you crafty? yes/no
Do you think glue guns are evil? yes/no
Do you finish shit up? yes/no
Do you look super stylish in your homemade fancies? yes/no
Do you wear a babushka? yes/no
Do you love to wear aprons? yes/no
Do you like to swear (at people, your children, or your stupid fucking craft project)? yes/no
Do you make lace? yes/no
Super judgemental? yes/no
Crash church potlucks? yes/no
Antique linen ebay sniper? yes/no
Little girls wanna be ya? yes/no


Count up your yes's. Anything less than ten and you can just forget about it. Get to work.

Tree Cozy

Get off the ladder you crazy biddy. That tree ain't cold. shit. Where's your babushka?

Biddy Blankets

Spent the weekend at a Project Linus fundraiser.

All I can say is that most of these ladies should just give money.

(Some of them didn't even finish their blankets. Maybe they thought nobody would notice their dropped stitches and acrylic yarn. This biddy was less than impressed. Some of the ladies just sat around talking and eating cake.)

I am going to start my own chapter. Biddy Blankets will be a more competitive organization. We'll see just how high our bpw (blankets per weekend) ratio can get if we don't allow talking or eating.

Booty Call

If you don't know someone who is pregnant today, you will soon enough. Get to work.

Biddy Fail

Have you had your metamucil today girls?

This here is an example of someone tryin' real hard to be a biddy (but missing the whole point entirely). damn.

What good biddy really wants to think about her insides?
You don't knit guts sweetie. You just don't.

Apple Biddy

A fine fall craft for all you biddies out there.

Biddy Foot

Sometimes a biddy needs to get fancy.

Biddy Bailout

Tough titty said the biddy when the milk went dry.

Biddy Style

With a fine biddy kerchief you just can't go wrong.

Biddy Bed

So many people wonderin' what biddy bedspread I use on my own bed.

Well, this is my lair. Just a little hexagon quilt I threw together a few years back, biddy style.

And remember, a biddy don't need a whole bunch of silly pillows. We can't get too comfortable.

My husband got a different bed of course.

Biddy Economy

My husband just went and lost a whole bunch of money in the stock market. I better get to work. Lucky I put all my biddy craft money under the mattress.

One Day Sweater

That's right. I made it. Obama got biddy style.

Biddy Kitty

No I did.

Bobbin Biddy

Bobbin Lace is so biddy. If you can't do it like me and my girls then you better work it out.

Biddy Politics

I like Obama. That man needs some good sweaters. I'm getting to work.

Babushka Fantasy

If you don't have a babushka fantasy why are you here? Just leave. You are no biddy.

Get Crafty

What's up, you think you're crafty?

You're nothing compared to my biddy. I'm the best biddy you'll ever find. If you don't believe me you can check my skills.

I can tat. I can quilt. I can felt. I can applique. I make my own clothes. Don't even mention the spinnin' and the weavin'. I wear beautiful handmade aprons. Needle feltin'. Doll makin'. Smockin' it. French knots by the hundred thousand. I'm a lace maker -- the bobbin variety. An embroideress with style and sass. I can make my own socks and sweaters, braid rag-rugs and embellish linens with kids hangin' on both legs. It doesn't bother me.

Baby comin'? Crochet up some booties. It's what you do.

I'm a babushka rockstar.

I never leave an antique quilt behind. I just sniped the last three heirloom linens you were tryin' to get on ebay. I got a stash of feedsacks that you wouldn't believe.

I don't sit around and whine about how I can't ever finish my projects. Hell no. I'm a biddy. I finish that shit up. One proj at a time. Victorian style. I got five kids -- doesn't stop me from making my own undergarments. I don't buy a whole bunch of fabric and let it sit there. That's just shameful.

There just ain't that many biddys on the blog scene, so you're lucky to find me. I'm the real thing. If you want to know my secrets you'll have to keep comin' round.

I'm sick of all the glue gun scrap bookin' fakers out there. That ain't biddy craft.

So stick with yo biddy and we'll make it through. The last few years have been hard on those of us who know how to use a needle and thread. Shit. Some of us still spin and weave the damn cloth. We got to take it back. We got to talk about who got it right and who got it dead wrong. That's all.

Yeah, get crafty -- but do it biddy style.